So it was a Sunday morning, July 6, 2014, some time after 8 or to 9, I'm not quite sure, when I hit rock bottom. I was getting ready for church and alas my chosen attire was tight - not uncomfortably so - but still tight nonetheless. I felt like a stuffed pig, sausage, a big whole cow, etc (I could continue) - whatever adjective you can think of I felt it. I felt like a fatty boom boom. Sigh.....
My boyfriend complimented me profusely on my attire and for a moment I didn't really believe but then the optimist in me rallied and I realised I look great in any state. Even while I'm thinking that I still question myself - do I feel great in any state?
Lately my desire, my motivation to exercise has been at an all time low. I mean there was nothing. Nothing at all. Nil. Nada. Nutten. I couldn't summon the energy to do a single squat. And I didn't care. Not one little bit. I had lost 6 pounds and I gained it back. I still didn't care. I wasn't eating badly but then I wasn't eating too great either. And I still I didn't care. I hadn't exercised in over a month. Wow. Sounds bad to say but it's true.
I reiterate that my motivation was off and I wasn't sure how to get it back. I tried reading books, inspiring articles and still nothing. I even hung up a pair of pants that I wanted to get back in at the front of my closet. I created a vision collage and placed on a wall in my room. Still nothing. Even knowing that I've got some really nice stuff that doesn't fit anymore still did not motivate me.
In addition I had hurt my knee doing plyometrics (P90X) and I've been afraid to try anything else. A little worried that I may make it worse. I am about to do further checks on my knee. I pray I do not have to do physiotherapy (cause that crap is expensive).
So I continued to feel bad and I continued to sit, whine and complain.
I am still not sure what happened on that Sunday morning but it definitely inspired a change. I felt reenergised. I felt (dare I say it) "motivated". This starting and stopping had become undesirable. It has always been. I realise that ultimately I have the power to change "me" if that's what "me" wants. I gotta find things that appeal to me. It's impossible to keep fit, get healthy and not like it. Exercise for the most part was unappealing cause I wasn't doing things I liked. I was doing what seemed to make sense; not necessary unappealing - mind you - just what made sense.
I also realise that I needed to break down my goals some more. I had been focusing on working out six days a week but I barely managed to work out one day at week. My focus definitely needed to change. I will focus on working out one day at a time. Eating right one day at a time. Doing my best one day at a time. If I miss a day I will try not to beat myself up so much. I will learn to pick up where I left off and jump right back in.
So now I'm 22 lbs away from my goal weight. I decided to stop thinking about that 22 lbs. I'm gonna focus on just 1lb at a time. My hips are 43 1/2 inches and I would loooooooove be under 40 inches. But again I say I will focus on 1 inch at a time.
I also need to sleep more - sleep better. This sleep deprivation lifestyle I got going on ain't working at all. I will focus on getting to bed earlier one night at a time. In getting back on track I endeavour to work on my consistency. After all consistency is key. I work out when I should it becomes a habit and I become consistent and I become fit, I become healthy.
As I commence my third day of working out this week I thank my friend Sherita for bringing me back from the edge. She's on a similar path and I can only hope that I can provide the motivation that she sent my way on that fateful Sunday.
I feel reenergised
I feel committed
I feel motivated.
Pounds and inches beware - I'm gonna kick your butt.
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