Confessions of a Picky Eater

Picky Eater

Definition - A person that is adverse to a wide variety of foods; additionally picky eaters often display an unwillingness to try new foods, or any food that contains even a small amount of a food they do not like.

http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Picky%20Eater

My name is Melissa and I am a picky eater.  Well sometimes.  Oh well work in progress. For as far back as I can remember I have always been very cautious of the food I eat.  I tend to be hesitant in trying new foods as I am over concerned of how it might taste. In addition the presentation may be off which then turns me off and I just don't eat it.

Growing up my Mom was the head chef in my house (still is and the best there is).   The food was usually prepared with love and pride as my Mommy can cook good (better than good actually !!).  Despite that I realise (now) that I was bit of a challenge growing up in terms of what I would eat, when I would eat it and how often could she give it to me to eat.  Still she forged on and made accommodations to suit my palate (yes mi know - spoil, spoil, spoil - hate me or love me I'm still awesome).  Sometimes the "pickiness" would get to her and she'd let me know in no uncertain terms that she wasn't cooking anything else and that I would have to eat what was prepared.  I still didn't eat it. Well I'd pick at it instead.  Push it around my plate if necessary to give the impression that I had tried it.   

Other times she would bribe me or convince me that food that I didn't like was somehow different this time and that I should give it a shot.  Lots of times it worked.  Lots of times it didn't.  I remember one particular food/meal and the bribe that followed to get me to eat it.  It was soup.  Chicken soup I believe. Now my Mommy cooked soup every Saturday - rain or shine - soup was being cooked.  Most times I'd barely taste cause I didn't like it and I wasn't gonna eat it.  I am not sure why I didn't like it.  I just knew that I didn't.   
Quite a few of my friends have heard me tell this story but it still rings true and funny for me.  Most of my friends know that I have a keen interest in "long hair."  I always say that I want my hair to reach mi knee - that's how bad I want it (lol).  Anyhow my natural hair (cause mi did young right) at time was pretty short and I wasn't fond of it.  I could speak negatively of my hair and I used to but I've learnt to be grateful for every strand I've got. I digress (clears throat) and continue.  
So yes I wanted the "long hair" and my Mom knew this and used it against me to get me to eat the darn soup!! My Mom told me that if I drank soup every Saturday without complaint my hair would grow.  At first I don't think I bought it (at least I hope I didn't - I pray I wasn't that gullible).  And I hope I thought about it before I committed to it.  Well I committed to it all right and I drank that soup every Saturday without fail and complaint.  The results (you ask) - the hair didn't grow but I loooooovvvee soup now especially chicken soup. Yum Yum!! Lol!!

There were other foods that were hated on sight or smell.  This could have been due to the texture, colour, etc.  It didn't matter how she fixed I wasn't gonna eat it.  The list was long and for awhile I stuck to the basics.  Sometimes I would have been prodded to try new stuff and sometimes I would have to be bribed (once again) into tasting in same.  In that instance I would have just swallowed quickly without allowing the food to settle too much on my taste buds.  I was then asked, "How it taste?  Can eat, don't?"  My response would have been in the negative with a made up face. 

Well I'm pleased to say that I've gotten older and wiser (hopefully :)) and a lot more daring (at least for me) in regards to what I will or won't try.   There are some foods that I have definitely tried and to an extent regret not taking the time to try them before.   

When I decided to start to eat healthier I found that often times the foods I would initially reject were on the list of foods I wouldn't even try.  This journey of life (and eating better) has definitely taught me not to be so hard and fast with "food" and give it a taste once in awhile.   I will admit that I'm not gonna eat everything and I still will "pick" but for the most part I think I have improved. 

My suggestions to adult picky eaters (cause I know you are out there):

1. Approach the unfamiliar food with an open mind. Don't rule out the food you haven't tried especially if the presentation is top notch. Give it a try! 
2. Spices are essential and truly can change the flavour of a previously disliked food.  Trust me on this.
3. Don't be afraid to experiment and make the food more appealing to your palate.  Incorporate foods you're not fond of with foods that you like.  Slides down better and is more appealing to eat. 
4. Lastly if you tried the food and you still don't like it - don't give up.  Move on and try something else.  You will find something that sticks. 

Happy picking, trying and eating! 

It's all about Self-Love *heart - Learning to love yourself in any state

In my last post couple of posts I briefly mentioned how content I've become in my skin as well as hitting rock bottom in regards my weight, lack of exercise and how it made me feel.   

It took a long time to reach a point where I could honestly say something like that.  I always troubled with low self esteem, body issues.  Despite hitting rock bottom with the weight gain, etc I still felt content in my skin.  I feel content as I realise that I have the power to change that feeling.  Nobody else but me.  

As we are born I would think all parents pray for a healthy child - ten fingers, ten toes.  After that I think gender comes is next in line as a desire.   Boy or girl - like there's anything else.  In the days, weeks and months following our births we are deemed the most perfect, adorable, cutest (I could go on with the adjectives) human alive.  We are complimented and adored and we (as babies) laugh and giggle in response and in agreement.  Eventually other well meaning individuals/outsiders (siblings, other relatives, friends, acquaintances, even strangers)  then voice their opinions about us - what are we doing at what age; are we teething, walking, creeping, crawling - you get my drift.   If we are doing what were supposed to be doing at a particular age, then great - we've escaped any admonishing for a while.    If we don't then we are "nicely" criticized and compared to others about our lack of progress.  

I am almost sure that it goes downhill from here.  It's possible we are likely too young to care but that doesn't stop the parade of needless criticisms and comparisons.  So we continue and grow some more.  The "outsiders" (as mentioned above) become more vocal as we grow.

So we grow up and more compliments and criticisms are sent our way.  Sometimes the compliments outweighs the criticisms and we are able to cope and forge our way through.  On the other hand when the criticisms outweigh the compliments then we find ourselves in trouble.  We come become plagued with low self esteem, poor self image, depression - I could go on.  We compare ourselves to everyone we meet and we wonder about our shortfalls and why we fail to (constantly) make the "grade."  I think one of my most painful moments in regards to my self image was probably mid high school.  I always felt that my gal pals were pretty ( and I was not pretty) and so I asked a friend of mine what was it like being pretty. (Insert dramatic music here).  She answered and explained her life as a pretty girl.  In that moment I felt devastated, crushed even.  She spoke of a life I could never relate to (at that time).  A life of a girl who had a healthy self image.  I think my teenage years sometimes were the roughest as I had an unhealthy self image.  Thank God things have changed.

I often wonder about the lack of love of oneself and the predicaments we get ourselves in as a result of that lack.  I think about my past and how my lack of love for myself has impacted me and the decisions I made yesterday, today and for my future.  Feelings of lack are neverending.  Every time a goal is reached or you possess the next big thing your ego will move the line and makes the achievement seem, once again,lacking.  Boy this word "lack" getting a ton of use!

I was never fat, then again neither was I never slim.  Well that's not completely true.  I wore size 5 until about 8 or 9th grade (I was about 13 going 14 or maybe 14 going 15 - honestly don't remember).  Then came my curves.  It seems like I went to bed one night and suddenly my hips and derriere appeared bigger than I remembered (lol).  My body changed and so did my self image.  I was no longer petite and I no longer fit a particular and "acceptable mold". 

With age I realise comes maturity and (some) wisdom.  I have learnt that the women in magazines do not look like the women in the magazine.  For the most part they have been photoshopped, airbrushed, etc to death.  So no matter how you pray, wish, exercise, diet and tweak away you will always be you or a rundown version of you.  Take note of the series called Botched on E! Online (it's a series highlighting botched - hence the name - plastic surgeries and the qualified plastic surgeons who now attempt to correct these procedures).   My apologies as I digress.  I continue.

Ever felt surrounded by perfection - it could be a sibling, another relative, a friend or a co-worker.  Someone who knowingly or unknowingly make you feel inferior.  You wonder what it's like to be like them.  You think how much better your life would be if you were exactly like them.  It gets even harder when their traits, characteristics, looks get them ahead especially further than you.  You get annoyed, stressed out, exhausted even cause despite all your efforts to be someone else it never goes the way you think or hope.  You can never be anyone else but yourself. 

Only YOU can change the way YOU view yourself.  Learning to love yourself is one heck of a journey and it certainly doesn't happen overnight.  It is one day at a time process.  It is a continuous process.  Self love as defined by Google.com is  regard for one's own well being and happiness.  If you are busy trying to be someone else it is impossible to be mindful of one's own well being and happiness.

Learning to love myself definitely took a long time.  I'm embarrassed to say how long it took. 

One thing that has definitely helped me in loving myself is my relationship with God.   He created me in His image.  God doesn't make mistakes as He created me to be unique.   I have daily devotions and read His word.

I have also learnt that giving yourself a regular pep talk goes a far way than hearing a compliment from someone.  Do you think you can believe anyone if you don't believe in yourself? 

Be kind to yourself.  Stop being negative and thinking negatively of yourself.  Believe in your achievements whether great or small.  They are your achievements.

Accept yourself.  Accept the good, bad and the not so good.

Engage in activities that your engage your passion and that "feel good" feeling. 

You are the only person that can be the best you there is.  You are perfect being you.

Replace every negative adjective you usually describe yourself with a positive.  Do it until it becomes a habit.  Do it until it feels true deep down inside.  

Accept that change is necessary and constant.
  
Be patient with yourself. You created a negative self image over time.  There's no way you can undo all of that in one go.

You will have momentary lapses.  You will falter along the journey of self-love.  The ultimate goal is not let this momentary lapses become semi-permanent ones.

Just take it one day at a time.  I did.  

Rock bottom......

So it was a Sunday morning, July 6, 2014, some time after 8 or to 9, I'm not quite sure, when I hit rock bottom. I was getting ready for church and alas my chosen attire was tight - not uncomfortably so - but still tight nonetheless.  I felt like a stuffed pig, sausage, a big whole cow, etc (I could continue) - whatever adjective  you can think of I felt it.  I felt like a fatty boom boom.  Sigh.....

My boyfriend complimented me profusely on my attire and for a moment I didn't really believe but then the optimist in me rallied and I realised I look great in any state.  Even while I'm thinking that I still question myself - do I feel great in any state?  

Lately my desire, my motivation to exercise has been at an all time low.  I mean there was nothing. Nothing at all.  Nil. Nada. Nutten.  I couldn't summon the energy to do a single squat.   And I didn't care.  Not one little bit.  I had lost 6 pounds and I gained it back.  I still didn't care.  I wasn't eating badly but then I wasn't eating too great either.  And I still I didn't care.  I hadn't exercised in over a month.  Wow. Sounds bad to say but it's true.  

I reiterate that my motivation was off and I wasn't sure how to get it back.  I tried reading books, inspiring articles and still nothing.  I even hung up a pair of pants that I wanted to get back in at the front of my closet.  I created a vision collage and placed on a wall in my room.  Still nothing.  Even knowing that I've got some really nice stuff that doesn't fit anymore still did not motivate me.

In addition I had hurt my knee doing plyometrics (P90X) and I've been afraid to try anything else.   A little worried that I may make it worse.  I am about to do further checks on my knee.  I pray I do not have to do physiotherapy (cause that crap is expensive). 

So I continued to feel bad and I continued to sit, whine and complain.   

I am still not sure what happened on that Sunday morning but it definitely inspired a change.  I felt reenergised. I felt (dare I say it) "motivated".  This starting and stopping had become undesirable.  It has always been.  I realise that ultimately I have the power to change "me" if that's what "me" wants.  I gotta find things that appeal to me.  It's impossible to keep fit, get healthy and not like it.  Exercise for the most part was unappealing cause I wasn't doing things I liked.  I was doing what seemed to make sense; not necessary unappealing - mind you - just what made sense. 

I also realise that I needed to break down my goals some more.  I had been focusing on working out six days a week but I barely managed to work out one day at week.  My focus definitely needed to change.  I will focus on working out one day at a time.  Eating right one day at a time.  Doing my best one day at a time.   If I miss a day I will try not to beat myself up so much.  I will learn to pick up where I left off and jump right back in.  

So now I'm 22 lbs away from my goal weight.  I decided to stop thinking about that 22 lbs.  I'm gonna focus on just 1lb at a time.  My hips are 43 1/2 inches and I would loooooooove be under 40 inches. But again I say I will focus on 1 inch at a time. 

I also need to sleep more - sleep better.  This sleep deprivation lifestyle I got going on ain't working at all.  I will focus on getting to bed earlier one night at a time.  In getting back on track I endeavour to work on my consistency.  After all consistency is key.  I work out when I should it becomes a habit and I become consistent and I become fit, I become healthy.

As I commence my third day of working out this week I thank my friend Sherita for bringing me back from the edge.  She's on a similar path and I can only hope that I can provide the motivation that she sent my way on that fateful Sunday. 

I feel reenergised

I feel committed

I feel motivated.

Pounds and inches beware - I'm gonna kick your butt.

Way past my first check -in point (April 1, 2014 - 1st Check in point)

In my post, 2014 & All its possibilities, I highlighted my commitments (resolutions) I hoped to accomplished throughout 2014.  So far my progress is not what I would like it to be but hey progress is progress no matter how small (always keep that in mind).  The first quarter (and basically the first half) of 2014 has passed and I felt it prudent to start looking at my commitments and make a self assessment of where I am and how far I wish or rather have to go.   I am now in the second quarter of the year and I'm still making progress (not enough to quite suit me).  It's like I made enough progress justifiable for the first quarter but now I should really be in a routine and going with the flow and progressing even more along the way.

After saying all of that I review my commitments (resolutions) for 2014, the progress I made in the first quarter , second quarter and the progress I am looking forward to make in the rest of 2014.


My first commitment/resolution was (still is) get fit and healthy and maintain this lifestyle.   For many (I'm sure) can totally relate that becoming fit and healthy can a work in progress for quite some time.  My ultimate goal at this point in time remains to be losing weight.  Maintaining the weight loss and a healthy lifestyle is my lifelong goal.  As at today's date I've lost 5 lbs (and I hope not to gain it back).  I feel like that number is truly inadequate given the time that has elapsed in 2014.  Most of my success (should I call it success though ?) lies mostly with the alteration of my eating habits.  I do try to eat at least 70% of the time as I consistently watch I eat.  I consume even less sugar than before; I snack on fruits instead of sugary cookies, biscuits, buns and other such delights.  I wanted to lose 20 lbs by the middle of 2014.  It is the middle of 2014 and I have lost only 5 lbs thus far.  My exercise routine is not consistent as my motivation is quite lacking and I am not sure how to combat it.  My motivation I (truly now) realise is tied in with how I view myself.  For the first time in a long time I can actually say that I love the skin that I'm in (know what I mean :)).  I love the skin I'm in!  Sure I want to lose the weight but the more I think about it the more I realise I am content in my skin. I am content with ME.  I want to lose weight to feel comfortable in my clothes and to be healthy too as I am 16 lbs over weight.  So..... Yes I've lost 5 lbs and I will spend the rest of 2014 working on my goal and I will work one day at a time for the rest of my life to be fit and eat healthy/stay healthy.  Ahh-mazing realisation. 

My second commitment/resolution was to continue working on solidifying my relationship with God. I have learnt so much about Him and how much God truly wants for you to be victorious in this life.  He makes the impossible become the possible.  You have to stay faithful, praise Him, read His Word,spread the goodness of God far and wide, etc.  I have also learnt that getting right with God does not protect you from life's challenges but rather teaches you how to handle each challenge as they come.  I have learnt that God will always respond even when it is not the answer you desire.  He will grant you the desires of your heart on His time and not yours.  Looking back you realise His time was the best time after all. I am becoming strongly grounded in Christ and His teachings.  

 Smile a while...

    ... and give your face a rest'
    raise your hand to the one you love the best,
    then shake hands with the one nearby,
    and greet them with a smileeeeeeee!

Am I smiling more?  Hmmmm I wonder.  I really am not sure.  Smiling more was another commitment for 2014.  My friends, family I guess would be the best persons to tell me if I am smiling more.  I know some friends have remarked to me that I seem different, positive and wished me well me on my journey.  I do feel positive and feel better about this journey of life.  Having God in my life does make me smile more too.

People pleasing or "me" pleasing - which one is it gonna be missy?  Who says I gotta give up one for the other?  Can we all just get along?  I'm still a people pleaser on her way to becoming a "me" pleaser.  My goal is find a happy medium.  Safe to say that this commitment is still a work in progress. 

Reading inspirational and motivational books was a high priority for 2014.  Too bad it didn't go the way I envisioned it.  To be honest it is fair to say that I didn't read any.....……… books but that I read a lot of inspirational and motivational articles.  Does that count?  

Incidentally though I possess quite a number of motivational ebooks but I'm starting to find that sometimes the lack of an actual book that does not inspire me to read as much.  I miss the book cover and pages on my fingertips as I scroll page by page.  Sigh............
Ebooks sometimes are cheaper and more accessible especially when the actual book is no longer available in print.   How am I gonna combat this one?  I'm gonna either invest in a better tablet or invest in some real books.  Let's see the outcome. 

Am I enthusiastic? Am I positive? Again I will have to rely on my friends and family to tell me of any improvement.  Then again some friends have actually complimented me positivity so I've made some headway.  Yay!! 
I have made some strides in curbing my negativity, my "glass half empty" mindset.  I have definitely improved my response-ability to life's hiccups.  I do have off days (nobody's perfect) when the negativity threatens to overwhelm me. For me I've learnt to dig deeper to overcome that negativity through words of positivity, kindness and encouragement from (sometimes) the mostly unlikely sources and sometimes from familiarity.  Praise and worship helps to combat the negativity as well.  Get on YouTube and search for happy songs or gospel songs.  Makes. A. World. Of. Difference.  Trust me. 

Another commitment was to learn French.  Safe to say my knowledge of French is quite limiting. Did I start? Yeah. Why did you stop?  Ummmmm I really do not have a good excuse.  My time management skills are less than ideal and that definitely played into my inability to make time for learning French.  Then another thought struck me - how would I have fared in a classroom setting?  I did consider classes but it just wasn't in the budget.  Sigh........
Guess it's back to YouTube again - with more effort of course.

There are still other areas of my life I work on.  I think life sometimes is about doing better one day at a time.  I also know that if things are less than ideal for you then change it.  One day at a time - change it.  Do something each day that will contribute to the change you desire.  I am.


   

2013: My Year in Review

I have been reflecting on the past year for the last few days, reflecting on what happened, what didn't happen and what might have been.  On the face of it 2013 has been one of my most challenging years. It has also been one of my most fulfilling.   There were several goals I set out to accomplish at the outset of 2013 and now as I look back to see exactly how I fared.  I didn't really set them in categories.  I just knew what I wanted accomplish as at December 31, 2013.

Becoming fit and healthy was my main goal for 2013.  Eating properly and exercising consistently was huge on my list.  At the end of it all I was eating a little better; not great progress but progress nonetheless.  I am indeed more conscious of what I eat, what I cook and foods I buy.  I check the nutritional value of packaged items thoroughly and try to dissuade others (like family, friends) if I think the item is less than ideal.  I experiment more in terms of what I didn't previously eat and I like it.   I have come a far way and realise that becoming fit and healthy is not an overnight process and you have to do the best you can one day at time.  With my decision to become more active and eat better I decided to document my progress (hmmm) as I deemed this my last attempt at this area of my life.  I will be nothing less than fit and healthy.  As a result I started blogging.  Albeit was my second attempt but I felt that I needed additional motivation to get my drive to do better and be better in gear.   Persons have taken an interest  in my blog and I am definitely appreciate the love thus far.  It has boosted my confidence and motivated me even more to keep going (getting fit & healthy and blogging).  

Another goal of 2013 was to save more and be more prudent in my spending.   The beginning of 2013 was great with the saving.  I was on a roll.  I was diligent.  I admit I was never a conscientious saver but my priorities were changing and I was doing better.  Then life happened and the lady that sells me clothes occasionally happened.  The latter I resisted as best as I could but the former was harder to avoid.  I battled through and I am trying to recover.  Overall my savings have dwindled a little but I save anything - even a $1 (yes, a Jamaican dollar).  I am definitely wiser in my spending.  I take longer to make a decision especially when it comes to spending my money.   I weigh the pros and cons of spending my money on a particular item and question its important to me.  I ask myself, "Is it a want or is it a need?" Most times it is a want and even though the desire to buy the item doesn't go away I force myself (most times) to walk away.   I also think about the opportunity cost (all my econ friends know that this is).  What do I forgo when I spend money on a particular item?  What I am sacrificing if I purchase this item?  At the end of 2013 I can honestly say that I am doing better.  

Another area of my life that I didn't pay a lot of attention to was my spiritual side.  Sure I went to church, I prayed, read my bible sometimes and thanked God for a lot of things but I wasn't serious or rather serious enough.  It's like now at the end of 2013 I felt like I had been wasting time not allowing myself to see how important God was to my existence.   I made  up some serious ground on this one in 2013.  I have ways to go, trust me, but I've come so far.  My boyfriend, Richard, introduced God to me in a manner that completely threw me.  I had previously felt like I had to be a particular person or be a particular way but it's just the opposite.  He accepts you as you are.  He loves you as you are.  You only need to acknowledge, and in Him, believe and hold on to your faith in Him.  Truly an eye opener.

Most of my friends know that my current occupation is not my ideal but I have learnt to live with it as really and truly I know nothing else.  Numerous attempts to break free of my current industry have been futile.  Most Jamaican employers I find are no way eager at all to give someone a chance to gain experience in a particular field especially when their experience in the field is limited.  So in light of this I have decided to search within my industry for something I think I could do long term and certainly establish a career in same.   After lots of research and soul searching I have finally settled on a career within my industry that I indeed think will be fulfilling.  I will reveal more in late 2014.

About mid 2013 I started thinking about learning another language.  So I checked out classes at the French Alliance.  I was still a little perturbed about my savings and opted to seek out free sources online to pursue this interest. I learnt that there are  LOTS OF FREE sources to learn languages online. The internet is amazing!  I started in 2013 but I didn't get far.  This goal has definitely rolled over 2014.  I ain't giving up on this one.

I have learnt so much about myself. I have learnt to be more positive and keep negative thoughts inside and replace them with positive words on the outside.  I learnt that the people you expect to be in corner are usually the ones walking away from the corner.  I have learnt that people are definitely in your life for a reason or season.   It helps that I am learning who the seasonal ones are.  I take them as they come and watch them leave.  

2013 has been challenging - a lot of disappointments occurred in 2013.  Disappointments that made cry but I'm still standing.

2013 has been fulfilling - One of the most crucial lessons of 2013 that I learnt was that God has always been in my corner.  Leave everything in His hands. Trust me when I say it works; He works.